I got dressed and confused this morning. This happens more often, mostly when I try to pull a pair of jeans over my head or when I try to find a matching pair of socks. And I extended the definition of ‘matching’ to ‘socks roughly the same size, texture and perhaps, if possible, non- clashing colours.) Anyway. I got confused. Dressed, I thought. But I am not putting on a dress. I am trying to get into a pair of trousers. The correct phrase would be ‘getting trousered.’ Or in case of other garments, socked. Or pantied. Or WhaaawherehaveallmybrasgonenowIhavetotakethisfleshcuttingthing.
Anyway. I was getting dressed and thought ‘dressed’ simply wasn’t a suitable word. But how can a dress or a pair of jeans be suitable? They are not suits. They don’t suit! Suitable is a completely unsuitable word when getting trousered. And how about men? Although some of them wear dresses, most men would feel a bit queer (hah, hah, sorry) in a dress, and they avoid this queerness by not dressing in dresses in the first place. Which suits me, but really it doesn’t, because I don’t own any suits, and should I own a suit I’d never dress myself in one because the mere idea causes a powercut in my thinking areas, and anyway I am still searching for a suitable pair of socks. Sockable pair of suits. Geez this socks!